Skyloftian Wedding
by Janus3003
Summary: "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now push the groom."


_Disclaimer: The Legend of Zelda is the property of Nintendo.  
>My thanks to my friends Sara and Cíntia for their ideas!<em>

**Skyloftian Wedding**  
>By: Janus3003<p>

It was an exciting time on the floating island of Skyloft. Everybody was still totally psyched by the exploration of the world below the clouds, Pipit had been crowned "Ruler of Everything," and that very day was to be the wedding of Link and Zelda.

Link smiled to himself as he left his room at the Knights' Academy. _What a good day to be me!_ he thought to himself, his brightened spirits doing nothing to lessen the ridiculousness of his poofy lips. As he marched down the halls to the main exit, he laughed to himself in memory of all the crazy adventures he'd had in the Academy, particularly the one where a ghostly hand had appeared in the toilet, pleading for paper. This had been a great moral dilemma for poor Link, for the only paper he had was a love letter from Cawlin to Karane, completely ignoring the copious amounts of paper to be found within the school. In the end, Link had given Karane the letter, inadvertently causing her and Pipit to get together and leaving the ghostly hand to wallow in paperless misery.

_Good times_, Link thought. _Good times._

He finally left the Academy and smiled as he thought of Zelda for the umpteenth time. Finally, today was the day he would kiss her right in front of everyone. Every time they had attempted it in the past, Link's vision had suddenly gone white and he seemingly lost consciousness. This was always followed by Zelda cheerfully saying, "Good morning, Link!" and acting like nothing had happened. After much deliberation, Link had concluded that it was some form of ancient magic that kept him from taking her in joyful liplock, and that this wretched curse could only be broken by lawful and holy matrimony with Zelda.

Hearing a whirring sound, he saw Beedle's Air Shop flying above the town, with its large bell glistening in the sunlight. For reasons unknown to mere mortals, Beedle's shop could only be accessed by those able to ring the bell. Link had been unable to do so for most of his life, until he finally obtained the legendary flying object, the Beetle (not to be confused with Beedle the shop owner), by delving inside a dungeon and risking life and limb. How did anyone else attract Beedle's attention? Link had often asked himself. And if anyone could do it, say by throwing a rock or something, why had Link been completely incapable of doing it all his life?

Ah, the wedding! Link ran as fast as he could, but quickly ran out of stamina and began walking at a turtle's pace, silently cursing himself for never raising his endurance at any point during his adventure. Soon enough, his stamina returned to him, but he was confronted by none other than Pipit himself.

"Ah, so there you are, Link!" Pipit said with an awesome twinkle in his eye. "If you are to wed today, you must prove yourself worthy of your maid! Behold," he shouted, pointing towards their fellow knight Strich, "he challenges you for the lady!"

Link simply nodded in response, drawing his sword as Strich drew his. Strich was a tall and lanky fellow, and despite some of his cruel tricks in the past, he was a decent fellow, provided you paid no mind to his creepy bug fetish.

"Begin!" Pipit ordered, and the traditional Skyloftian duel for the bride began. Link struck at Strich's right side, but Strich not only blocked it, he held his sword there, waiting for Link to strike it again. Amazed by the incredible increase in AI his sparring opponent had gained, Link tried to attack Strich's left. However, his muscles refused to respond properly and Link struck the same place repeatedly, Strich easily blocking each time. Link finally stopped striking and, very gently and slowly, circled his sword around to his right side. He successfully struck Strich's left arm, but he accidentally lost his grip and flung his sword away (Pipit caught it with one hand) as Strich dropped his own weapon.

Link and Strich both broke out in a cold sweat, completely clueless on what to do next. Pipit smiled and shook his head. He had warned his fellow students to learn hand-to-hand combat, but no, they never got around to it, somehow figuring that they would never be without their weapons at any time in their careers.

Satisfied, Pipit declared the ceremonial duel complete, and it was finally time for the wedding proper to begin. In signal of this, Groose threw an arrow (since despite all the amazing technology on Skyloft, no one knew how to construct bows) into a ball that blew up into confetti or some crap like that.

Link was struck dumb as he saw Zelda for the first time that whole week. She wore a very flattering white dress with a veil in her hair, adorned with various colors of flowers and jewelry (you know, pretty stuff). They joined hands together and stood on one of Skyloft's many docks.

"Are you ready for this?" Zelda asked with a beaming smile on her face.  
>Link smiled, nodded, and made a weird grunting sound, not wanting to ruin anyone's personal perception of him by speaking.<p>

Pipit, who had not only presented the bride to Link but was best man and wedding minister as well, began the marriage.  
>"Dearly beloved," he said with a wink to his smexy redhead wife Karane, "we are gathered here today to witness the union of our dear friends Link and Zelda."<p>

Peatrice wailed in the background, upset that Link had confessed to liking her during his adventure, and yet despite this apparent interest, it had had no effect whatso-freaking-ever on the outcome of his story.

"Link, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for time and all eternity?"

Link smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"And do you, Zelda, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in heath, for richer or for poorer, for time and all eternity?"

"I do!" she smiled sweetly.

"Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Pipit said with great pride for his less cool friends.

Link couldn't believe it. Finally! He could kiss her! There would be no fade to white, no lingering questions, no-

"You may now push the groom."

Link's eyes widened in horror. "Wait, _what?" _he actually spoke as Zelda, still beaming, shoved him off of the dock.

The Chosen Hero screamed as he fell, feeling the winds whip around him. Before long, he saw Zelda jumping after him, angling herself so that she fell fast enough to catch up and grab him.

"I love you, hubby," she said sweetly as she pulled him into a midair, upside down kiss.

Luckily, their giant Loftwing birds came after them and broke their death-defying fall, for all Skyloftians have a special friendship and connection with their animals. Indeed, this relationship is so kind and loving that no one on Skyloft apparently bothers to name the darned things (therefore we'll assume that Link's is Mr. Buttersworth and Zelda's is Deathslayer the Indomitable).

Meanwhile, in Bad Guy Heaven, the spirits of Ghirahim and Demise looked down on the festivities in disdain.

"I despise happiness," Demise growled, the flames on his body glowing brighter.

"I am furious!" Ghirahim roared. "Outraged! Sick with a-"

"Shut up, Ghirahim."

"Many apologies, Master. I simply wish to break that boy's spinal column, rip it out, suck out the marrow, and shove it up his-"

"Ghirahim, have you ever considered that this is all your fault?"

"What do you mean, Master? What are you saying?" Ghirahim asked sheepishly.

"What I'm saying is that for a living weapon, you really, _really_ suck at fighting. To put it bluntly, you were completely ineffective at your job."

"I captured the Goddess for you, Lord!"

"Not until the end of the story, you dolt! For the hatred of all that is evil, that kid beat you at every turn! I'll bet that Zant lunatic could do more than that!"

"But I… I…" Ghirahim curled up in a corner and hid his face.

"Yeah, chew on that for a bit. When I reincarnate, I'll show you how it's really done." Demise left Ghirahim to his moping, deciding that now that the so-called "Skyward Sword" tale was over with, he'd go spend a lot more time (and have more fun) with Skyrim.


End file.
